Alhamdulillah

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Alhamdulillah wa syukurillah, Ya Allah..

1:02 a.m. here in my bedroom now. Laying on my bed with my boys sleeping next to me. Lights and TV off. Only a dim light from the outside and a soft sound of AC that bring a little “life” here around me. I like it.

I have always like dark and silence, as I remember. It brings some peace to my mind and soul. That is why I used to do so much things all alone, years ago. To stay focus, and “sane”.

Nowadays, here is the way.
Steal some time in the middle of the night to catch the dark, and meet my little talker in my head to have some “chat”. Wondering this and that. About future decision and stuffs.

But what I realized just now, that I am more to opening my photo albums in my phone, remembering these days situation with my family and smiling over it, most of the time. Which means, I have not much things to think about too much now, and no need to try hard to be focus and sane, because I am happy, focus and sane enough here today? YES, I’m sure!!

Here I came to my conclusion, that this is what I needed. Allah gave me this, instead of what I ever wanted before, because this is what I needed. Alhamdulillah. I am the happiest me in my life now. Thank You, Allah. ❤

1:52 a.m.
Pillow time..

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I Miss You..

I meet you everyday, sleep in the same bed every single night, text each other everytime we’re apart, still I miss you all the time.

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You know what, love? Everyday, I keep telling myself about this. About how fast the time flies, and soon enough we’ll have enough time to spend more quality time together again, you and I.

I love this parenthood life, really. And having you as the partner, make it more special to me. But then, it’s not about it. It’s not about “us today” why I’m missing you.

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I miss you, just because I MISS YOU, dear silly life partner! ❤

Dear Son,

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Hi love, I miss you so much already!!
You are sleeping next to me right now, I now. But I miss you, still. my happy pill! ❤

Son,
Do you know?
Mama couldn’t sleep early everynight these days. So, if mama not that fun or good enough lately, I’m so sorry.
I can’t stop thinking about things, son.
About the time that I have left to spend with you,
About the things that will happen to you if there’s no mama anymore in your life,
About your food, your needs, your health, everything! Oh my God, Allah..
I know I’m not supposed to be scared if I really have Iman Islam. Because it’s been written since I was born, the death time of mine.
But, Allah, Astagfirullah, I’m so sorry that I am that scared now, since I have my son. I was the one who hate drama person so much, but now I become one of them. I’m sorry.

Son, be good. Well, I know you will. In shaa Allah.
Mama love you SO MUCH!!!!! You know that, right? I hope you will love me too, forever.

Dear son,
May Allah blesses our time together with love, joy and happiness till the end of time.
Aamiin..

Bride To Be; A Day To Wedding Day

I can’t sleep (again)..

It’s 03.00 a.m. here. I just awaken by a bad dream after three hours of sleep. The dream was so bad, I even too scared to think about it again.
Oh Lord, it was just a dream, wasn’t it???

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Dear a day husband to be, I trust you.. I know you will make the best choice in every single thing you take, for our future children sake..
I trust you, love…

I’m sorry for always being scared of this marriage thing.. I’m sorry for always make you have to convince me with all of these things.. I’m so sorry…

Dear future children, you will read this post anytime in the future, I know.. Because mama ask your papa to leave it to you anytime I passed away after I have you, and if you are big enough to read and understand.

Baby, I love you since you have not born or even since you are haven’t here in my tummy. I love you since you are still here in my imagination. I love you since you are only a dream to me and your father. A dream that we really wish to be true.
I hope when you read it someday, you’ll read it with a smile because you love us too.. :’)

No secret to be kept here baby.. Soon or later, mama will write more for you..

I love you dear future husband and children of mine.. ❤

Dear Husband To Be; A Week To Wedding Day

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The day is getting closer..

Baby, I’m affraid.. of lotta things.
My head is full, as always. Yes, it’s still.
We made it for almost ten months so far, with no break up, just some little and big fights.
It changed me quite much, our fights. I don’t like it, I want it no more in the future. We could talk, not fight. We could whisper, not shout.
We’ve made the promise. I know we could fullfil it.

Baby, this is weird.. my feeling.
I’m too affraid to expect, so I wish nothing but well.
I’m happy it’s all going really well so far, our wedding preparation. But baby, we will never know.
I’m sorry, for always be ready for the worst.
But baby, when it happened to be more than well, I’ll be the happiest of all.

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Baby, don’t change.. I like it when you are so soft.
The way you talk, the way you touch, the way you see me, the way you make me feel, just like how I know you since eight years ago.
I know you’ll be a great husband of me.
I know you’ll be a great father of our children.
I know you will…

Empathy

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All I know, and all I learned about empathy so far since I was a kid until I got the class in university, is that when we have empathy for someone/anyone, we do something that can lift them up, because we understand how it feels to be in their situation.
Not to put ourself in the same situation. Because who will pull them up if we “jump” into the same “hole”?

Someone have to stay outside the hole, not to leave the people in the hole, but to help them get out of that freaking dark hole.
Well, CMIIW but that’s what I know.

We have empathy not to be in the same dark place and cry together over the situation.
We have empathy to help as an outcome. To be happy together as the final result.

We understand how it feels to be down, we try to help them up and share the feelings until the bad turns into the good or even the best.

That’s what I know..