Little Soulmate

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She is my sister. My only one elder sister.

We just met a week ago when me and my husband went to her house and slept over for few days. But, I miss her already.

We don’t meet and talk much, since we’ve been living in different cities for years. But, we never as far as our distance. She’s the only one I have to talk almost about everything. She’s my bestfriend, my soulmate.

We fight sometimes, but our love is so much bigger than any anger or hate between us. I love her so much.

Dear sissy, I wish you were here with me right now.. I miss you! :’)

Bride To Be; A Day To Wedding Day

I can’t sleep (again)..

It’s 03.00 a.m. here. I just awaken by a bad dream after three hours of sleep. The dream was so bad, I even too scared to think about it again.
Oh Lord, it was just a dream, wasn’t it???

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Dear a day husband to be, I trust you.. I know you will make the best choice in every single thing you take, for our future children sake..
I trust you, love…

I’m sorry for always being scared of this marriage thing.. I’m sorry for always make you have to convince me with all of these things.. I’m so sorry…

Dear future children, you will read this post anytime in the future, I know.. Because mama ask your papa to leave it to you anytime I passed away after I have you, and if you are big enough to read and understand.

Baby, I love you since you have not born or even since you are haven’t here in my tummy. I love you since you are still here in my imagination. I love you since you are only a dream to me and your father. A dream that we really wish to be true.
I hope when you read it someday, you’ll read it with a smile because you love us too.. :’)

No secret to be kept here baby.. Soon or later, mama will write more for you..

I love you dear future husband and children of mine.. ❤

Dear Young Me,

Tonight, I was scrolling down my Instagram home page and found a picture posted by someone that reminds me of my old dream. And the dreams that I had when I was younger. A picture of a beautiful coffee shop at a city in one country.

“I wish I were her.” To be honest, for a second or two, that thought crossed in my mind. Not for too long, because I know where I stand and I’m happy enough with my life today. But I can understand, it happened because it was my dream. Strolling around in a lot of beautiful cities out there by my self, travelling to many countries in the world. So, it’s normal.

What I have in mind now is only that I really want to apologize to my younger self. Make some peace with the old me, about not to fulfill “her” dream, and took another way of life far from the dreams “she” had before.

Call me crazy, but deep inside my heart, I really feel sorry for “her”. Maybe just like the feeling of a mom who cannot fulfill her daughter wants. I guess.

Dear young me,
You were so positive, full of energy, a huge dreamer, I like it.
I know I’ve changed you now, to become an older little woman whom play save and not that super energetic anymore. I’m sorry.
You know it’s not easy for me too, to let go the dreams we had for a long time. But you know that it is impossible to be happened anyway, right?
Just remember what mama ever said, “no overseas all alone.” So, I’m not the only one who ruin your dream! hoho Well, nobody ruin it. Trust me, it happened this way for good. Your older self now has pretty understand.

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Dear young me,
You know what? I miss you sometimes. Well, lots of times.
One thing you really have to know, that even though you didn’t reach that dreams, you still become a happy woman when you are older. Because you finally feel loved. Something that we never thought could be happened before.
You still have a chance to get your dreams anyway, (in one condition) with a travel/life partner or two. And trust me, you’ll feel happier that way. :)

So dear young girl, please forgive me..

Four Years Ago, May 2011

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As long as I can remember, It was May 2011 my graduation day four years ago.
Yes, I went to my graduation day event with my fiancé/husband to be now, which was my brother back then.

At that moment, all I can remember is I don’t wanna go to my graduation day event with anyone like a boyfriend or someone that close to me with a purpose. For one reason; I don’t wanna ruin my graduation memory in the future.
If I go with my boyfriend or that other kind, and (at that time) the possibility of broken up is so big to me, and so when it happened, the memory of my graduation day will be not that good anymore. I don’t like it that way, and thank God it didn’t happen!
That’s why I chose him. My former brother. I never thought that I will ended up with him of course, at that moment I just thought that I could never broke up with my brother. So, my graduation memory will be save! Well, it is! ;)

Funny fact? That day was the first and last time he gave me flowers. No more flowers anymore, well at least until today. Hahahaha

He’s not romantic. He’s just a man who always tries to fullfil everything I want and need. And that’s more than enough. :)

I Miss You Even More

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I’m getting married, to the man in the photo. In three weeks. I’ll be a wife. His wife. :)

I never knew that someone’s life could change in a blink of an eye, especially mine. Until Lord changed my feeling for him like in a minute, and so everything in my life also changing in a row. I never knew, in less than a year, my brother last year could be my husband to be today.
Now I know, I never knew anything before.

I never love him, even for a little, in our first seven years knowing each other (eight years ago). But he loves me since the first month we met, and never stop.
He loves me eight years already. No one ever waiting for me for seven years before. No one deserve my love more than my love for him right now.
If it was a race, he’s the winner. Maybe he’s not the fastest, but he’s the only one who finished the race.

A year ago, I thought next year (this year) my life would be pretty much the same. Driving alone, going to a coffee shop by myself, go to the cinema for one ticket, and still have no idea about who my next boyfriend is.
Boyfriend not husband, because I thought that I’ll marry a stranger, so “we” have to have few years to getting know each other well, at least.
And, last year, I still think about getting married when I’m 30. Who knows that the only person who could changed it all is the man who never could make me love him back for seven years?? Maybe if Albert Einstein still alive, he’ll knows.

He loves me. He tries everything to make me happy. He is a good fiancé now, and I know he will be a great husband of me then, and the greatest father of our future children.. Aamiin..

P.S:
Please read it to my babies one day, when their Mama not anymore with them in this world.
My blog is a legacy. As I write everything based on my true story, I hope they will understand how to love their complicated Mama (in their memories), and their loving Papa especially.
No matter what, we love you, kiddos!!!! ❤

Bride To Be; The Therapy

I feel numb, I need a therapy.

Lately I’m lost.
Honestly?
This is not easy.

You know I used to not believe in love, right?
And now I’m getting married!!!
OH MY GOD! Really?!?
I have to admit, I’m scared. Really really scared.

Not that I don’t believe in my fiancé’s love, but… is that really love what he feels for me? Is he sure about it? How about what I feel for him? Is it? Will it last forever in me and him??
I’m scared! Totally scared!
I believe in him, I just used to not believe in love.

The difference now is, I used to not believe in love and didn’t care about it also. I used to think about marriage and didn’t really care about the existence of the love it self. But now, I do care about it! So much! I don’t wanna get married without love in it. True love what I’m talking about!

Oh my God! I’m panic, I am! I know I am! And that is why I’m writing here right now, and almost everyday these days. This is my therapy. I write as a therapy..

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I’ll make it. I know I will..
He loves me, and I love him.
We’ll make it. I know we will…
(I whisper it everyday in my heart)

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