Now I Know

Now I know, how it feels to be a soon mom to be.
Suddenly, it is okay for anyone to hurt me, but not my baby.
Suddenly, I can stand any pain that comes to me, as long as not to my baby.
Suddenly, I am willing to stay with the pain, for the sake of my baby’s happiness.

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Suddenly, I lose my ego to zero.

Hopefully your life will be full of happiness, just like how I plan it to be, son.

Truly love you,
Mama.

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Dear, My Baby Love

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Hi, son! You are 36 weeks old now here in my tummy, just like the doctor said tonight. You are soon to be born and meet me, right?
You know what? I miss you already!

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Son, you are going to see the world pretty soon, I know. And I need you to remember one thing, that no matter how worse you feel it is outside than inside my tummy before, you will be safe as long as I’m there with you, Insha Allah. I want you to know son, that I will do anything, everything to make you happy and safe. I promise you.

But son, what if I die after I deliver you to the world, hang on! There will be so much angels around you to give you love and care. Trust me, baby. You can call them papa, aki, nenek, eyang, uwak, and so many more. I promise you, they will love you also. Because they already do ever since you’re still here in my tummy now and before. That is why I know and sure about that.

Baby, to be honest I’m scared. Having you is the most colorful feeling I have ever felt in my life. I am happy, but most of all, I’m scared that I cannot make you happy. But, I’m sure you will. You are loved, by Allah and me. And the other else I told you before.

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See you in the real world pretty soon, son!
I’m sorry for everything that makes you unhappy while you are here in my tummy.
I love you so much, baby love! More than any distance in the galaxy! I love you!!

Xoxo,
Mama.

Our January 2016

Time flies. My and his January passed so fast. I don’t know if we were too busy, or too happy, or both, but January always been great month for us, as usual.

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My birthday, his birthday, and my pregnancy especially, made our January this year more special than ever. To me, it’s my first birthday as a wife, and a mom to be for sure. Masha Allah, it’s so beautiful Your gift to me! ❤

Today on the first day of February, we went to see the doctor again and “met” our baby in my tummy. “A male, Insha Allah”, the doctor said. And the most important thing is, he is healthy. Alhamdulillah…

Hummingbird Heartbeat

Wednesday, December 2th, 2015.
Today, finally the wait is over..

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There it is, my little love. My baby to be. My sweetest love. Exist, alive! Alhamdulillah..

Twelve weeks a day today, I heard his/her heartbeat. So loud! :’)
Speechless..

Dear little love, thank you for being there and makes everyone in the family so happy today!
Stay healthy, stay strong! Growing well, love..
See you next month! ❤

One More Long(est) Day To Wait

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It should be this afternoon we meet, but we couldn’t.

His/her papa should work, so we cannot see the doctor today. Planned to meet the doctor yesterday, but yesterday the doctor was sick. So, we have no choice. Tomorrow is the only day, and only if the doctor already work (Aamiin).

Today might be the last day I questioning whether my baby is there or not. It’s getting bigger (my tummy), even though still, it’s a small bump.
Oh dear, I’m scared! I’m nervous, I’m….

Can I skip a day?
I want to see my baby. My little love..

A Week To Know

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A day feels like a week, a week feels like a month to me now..

Waiting for the time to be able to see my (hopefully) baby to be in my tummy again. Three weeks already now, and still a week more to go. It feels like I’ve been waiting for a year.
I always hate waiting. But this time, I hate it much much more.
I want to see my baby..

I’ve been ill these days. Sneeze and cough a lot. Worry but also too scared to see the doctor earlier than the schedule. It still flat, my tummy. Yes, I’m scared, too scared. Too scared that it isn’t there, my baby.

I never been this scared before…

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Dear little love, see you in a week..

Dear Baby, Please Grow..

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November 3rd, 2015.
7 weeks 5 days, “it’s not a baby yet”, the doctor said.

Dear baby to be, please grow up.. Looking forward until the next 4 weeks, if you still haven’t be a baby, they need to take you out of me, I don’t want it.

Baby, I know you’re there. You’ll born and meet me as a baby in the next 7 months, not 4 weeks, won’t you?

Show yourself up baby. We are waiting for you..