Alhamdulillah wa syukurillah, Ya Allah..
1:02 a.m. here in my bedroom now. Laying on my bed with my boys sleeping next to me. Lights and TV off. Only a dim light from the outside and a soft sound of AC that bring a little “life” here around me. I like it.
I have always like dark and silence, as I remember. It brings some peace to my mind and soul. That is why I used to do so much things all alone, years ago. To stay focus, and “sane”.
Nowadays, here is the way.
Steal some time in the middle of the night to catch the dark, and meet my little talker in my head to have some “chat”. Wondering this and that. About future decision and stuffs.
But what I realized just now, that I am more to opening my photo albums in my phone, remembering these days situation with my family and smiling over it, most of the time. Which means, I have not much things to think about too much now, and no need to try hard to be focus and sane, because I am happy, focus and sane enough here today? YES, I’m sure!!
Here I came to my conclusion, that this is what I needed. Allah gave me this, instead of what I ever wanted before, because this is what I needed. Alhamdulillah. I am the happiest me in my life now. Thank You, Allah. ❤
May 15th 2016, at 10:42 p.m. you were born.
A year already you are now, son. As I always say, time flies too fast!
I still remember everything about the day I delivered you to this world. The very first day I hold you in my arms.
Dear son, happy birthday. Grow up healthy, happy, positive. Robbi habli minassholihin.. Aamiin
Mama love you most!
So many things happened this month, son. The day you turned one, mama faced surprises. The goods and bads, the happy and sad. It makes me realized that it was just a start, a year of my motherhood.
I am still that newbie mama since the day you were born until today. Well, maybe a little bit better now. Just a little bit.
Dear my forever baby son, thank you for giving me so much things to learn. Thank you for always wanting me to be close to you no matter how awful I am as a mother. I’m sorry for so many mistakes I did to you. I’m sorry, baby. I love you, so much!
Hi love, I miss you so much already!!
You are sleeping next to me right now, I now. But I miss you, still. my happy pill! ❤
Do you know?
Mama couldn’t sleep early everynight these days. So, if mama not that fun or good enough lately, I’m so sorry.
I can’t stop thinking about things, son.
About the time that I have left to spend with you,
About the things that will happen to you if there’s no mama anymore in your life,
About your food, your needs, your health, everything! Oh my God, Allah..
I know I’m not supposed to be scared if I really have Iman Islam. Because it’s been written since I was born, the death time of mine.
But, Allah, Astagfirullah, I’m so sorry that I am that scared now, since I have my son. I was the one who hate drama person so much, but now I become one of them. I’m sorry.
Son, be good. Well, I know you will. In shaa Allah.
Mama love you SO MUCH!!!!! You know that, right? I hope you will love me too, forever.
May Allah blesses our time together with love, joy and happiness till the end of time.
Hi, little mister son! As usual, you are sleeping and so mama can write this blog right now.
My five months old little life changer..
Couldn’t be happier, Alhamdulillah.. Thank you Allah, for this greatest gift ever.
He changes my life. Doesn’t mean my life way easier now. No, it’s harder, heavier than ever, but he makes me stronger. He is my power.
This passed few months, bad things happened. Problems, heartbreaking moments, sickness, etc. But here I am, stand still and strong, Insha Allah. Because of my son, my happy pill.
Lately I wondered, if I don’t have my son, maybe I already gave up on so many things.
Allah is the best planner. That is why You gave me my son, so I could be strong enough to face the future, isn’t it God?
I will always be strong as long as I have you, my little mister life changer.. Insha Allah..
Hi, love! You are sleeping in your crib now, when I’m writing this post. Someday when you read it, just imagine that I’m talking beside you, okay?
Son, eight days to go and you will be four months old. You know what? To me, it still feels like just yesterday you were born. Time flies too fast as usual.
Baby son, three months already and still I did so much mistakes to you, I’m sorry. This newbie mom will try her best to treat you right, I promise. Because son, your presence in this world is the best thing that ever happened in my life. You can never imagine what you did to me these short three months. So many life changing experiences (good ones). Thank you, my dear. You are such a miracle that comes to life. ❤
My Dirran, no matter what happens in the future, please remember that mama loves you so much. Forgive your mom for always worries all the time. It’s getting bigger and bigger everyday, I know. But you must know, it’s because I love you. You are my first priority now, and forever. My number one. I will do anything to protect you. I would die for you, if I have to. As long as you are safe, healthy, happy, I would do anything for you.
Love you forever,