Gravity

Something always brings me back to you,
It never takes too long.
-Gravity, Sara Bareilles

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Jakarta, from 32nd floor window of my hotel room. Cloudy afternoon, but still it is lovely for me to see the sea again. Even though just from afar.
Hi there, been a while..

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A night in Jakarta. The chaos city I love. The used to be my dream city to live a life. Here I am again, with my family now. A husband and a son. No longer the single woman who chases her dream or career in this city. No more office suit, no more solo travel. I am a packaged now. Me and my little family. Or me and my son, the least.

I miss you.. The chaotic, the traffic, the rush hour, the differences, the lights, everything. The (well known as) stressful city where I can feel peace in it. I miss you like a little girl miss her favorite ice cream. I really do..

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Dear Young Me,

Tonight, I was scrolling down my Instagram home page and found a picture posted by someone that reminds me of my old dream. And the dreams that I had when I was younger. A picture of a beautiful coffee shop at a city in one country.

“I wish I were her.” To be honest, for a second or two, that thought crossed in my mind. Not for too long, because I know where I stand and I’m happy enough with my life today. But I can understand, it happened because it was my dream. Strolling around in a lot of beautiful cities out there by my self, travelling to many countries in the world. So, it’s normal.

What I have in mind now is only that I really want to apologize to my younger self. Make some peace with the old me, about not to fulfill “her” dream, and took another way of life far from the dreams “she” had before.

Call me crazy, but deep inside my heart, I really feel sorry for “her”. Maybe just like the feeling of a mom who cannot fulfill her daughter wants. I guess.

Dear young me,
You were so positive, full of energy, a huge dreamer, I like it.
I know I’ve changed you now, to become an older little woman whom play save and not that super energetic anymore. I’m sorry.
You know it’s not easy for me too, to let go the dreams we had for a long time. But you know that it is impossible to be happened anyway, right?
Just remember what mama ever said, “no overseas all alone.” So, I’m not the only one who ruin your dream! hoho Well, nobody ruin it. Trust me, it happened this way for good. Your older self now has pretty understand.

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Dear young me,
You know what? I miss you sometimes. Well, lots of times.
One thing you really have to know, that even though you didn’t reach that dreams, you still become a happy woman when you are older. Because you finally feel loved. Something that we never thought could be happened before.
You still have a chance to get your dreams anyway, (in one condition) with a travel/life partner or two. And trust me, you’ll feel happier that way. :)

So dear young girl, please forgive me..

Four Years Ago, May 2011

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As long as I can remember, It was May 2011 my graduation day four years ago.
Yes, I went to my graduation day event with my fiancé/husband to be now, which was my brother back then.

At that moment, all I can remember is I don’t wanna go to my graduation day event with anyone like a boyfriend or someone that close to me with a purpose. For one reason; I don’t wanna ruin my graduation memory in the future.
If I go with my boyfriend or that other kind, and (at that time) the possibility of broken up is so big to me, and so when it happened, the memory of my graduation day will be not that good anymore. I don’t like it that way, and thank God it didn’t happen!
That’s why I chose him. My former brother. I never thought that I will ended up with him of course, at that moment I just thought that I could never broke up with my brother. So, my graduation memory will be save! Well, it is! ;)

Funny fact? That day was the first and last time he gave me flowers. No more flowers anymore, well at least until today. Hahahaha

He’s not romantic. He’s just a man who always tries to fullfil everything I want and need. And that’s more than enough. :)