To My Husband,

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I just want you to read it (the pic) someday. So you will understand why I love you so much.

Friday, November 17, 2017. 11:20 p.m.

Dear working hubby,

Thank you for the sleepless nights because of taking care of me when I’m sick these days,
For the hugs even when I’m hot like an oven, you said
For taking care of our son also,
And for working hard outta home for us as well, still.

I have no reason not to love you, even after that b(a)dtime story you told me before. (Too funny not to mention it)

Thank you for everything, love. Be home soon. Your wife and son missing you badly! ❤

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Silent Regret

01:29 a.m. in my bedroom, as usual.

I can’t sleep. Feeling sorry, by being a “preachy mama” to my son these days.
I don’t know if it’s because of my period, or it’s just me being mean. Oh son, I’m so sorry. 💔

Shed a tear by feeling sorry, now I can only kiss and apologize to my sleeping baby. And promise him not to do that anymore. I will try my best, son. I promise.

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Di, I love you, son. So much! With all my heart.
Mama will do anything to be a better person and the best mom for you, every single day. Bear with me, son. I will do my best. Insha Allah.

Love,
Mama.

Dear Hubby,

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Dear hubby Dimas Hendako Putra,
Yes, I write it for you. Even though I know you are not gonna know/read it at this short time or even forever, I still wanna write it down for you.

Hubby, thank you!
I know I’ve been thanking you so much times since we’re together, but still I wanna thank you more!
Thank you for all these time you gave me and our son. It means the world to us! I mean it.
Thank you for all the energy, effort and everything you did to make us happy.
Thank you for being an understanding, heartwarming kind of husband.
Thank you for all surprises! Hugs! Kisses!

I know you are so tired lately, but still you try to give your best anytime you are around me and Dirran.
I know I kind of “busy” and ignoring you since Dirran born, but still you say you love me and miss me every single day and night.

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Hubby, you fill me.
The blank page in my mind, the empty space in my heart, you fill it with your love.
Thank you. ❤

xoxo,
Wifey

Dear Son,

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Hi love, I miss you so much already!!
You are sleeping next to me right now, I now. But I miss you, still. my happy pill! ❤

Son,
Do you know?
Mama couldn’t sleep early everynight these days. So, if mama not that fun or good enough lately, I’m so sorry.
I can’t stop thinking about things, son.
About the time that I have left to spend with you,
About the things that will happen to you if there’s no mama anymore in your life,
About your food, your needs, your health, everything! Oh my God, Allah..
I know I’m not supposed to be scared if I really have Iman Islam. Because it’s been written since I was born, the death time of mine.
But, Allah, Astagfirullah, I’m so sorry that I am that scared now, since I have my son. I was the one who hate drama person so much, but now I become one of them. I’m sorry.

Son, be good. Well, I know you will. In shaa Allah.
Mama love you SO MUCH!!!!! You know that, right? I hope you will love me too, forever.

Dear son,
May Allah blesses our time together with love, joy and happiness till the end of time.
Aamiin..

Bali With My Babies

January 18th – 21st, 2017.

The first time I brought my baby son to see his mama’s second home. His mama’s heaven on earth. Together with my husband and family, Alhamdulillah..

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Thank you for the beautiful days as always dear Allah, my Bali, parents, sister, brother in law, husband and son. I’m the happiest person on earth! I love you, all! ❤

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you,
It never takes too long.
-Gravity, Sara Bareilles

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Jakarta, from 32nd floor window of my hotel room. Cloudy afternoon, but still it is lovely for me to see the sea again. Even though just from afar.
Hi there, been a while..

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A night in Jakarta. The chaos city I love. The used to be my dream city to live a life. Here I am again, with my family now. A husband and a son. No longer the single woman who chases her dream or career in this city. No more office suit, no more solo travel. I am a packaged now. Me and my little family. Or me and my son, the least.

I miss you.. The chaotic, the traffic, the rush hour, the differences, the lights, everything. The (well known as) stressful city where I can feel peace in it. I miss you like a little girl miss her favorite ice cream. I really do..

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Now I Know

Now I know, how it feels to be a soon mom to be.
Suddenly, it is okay for anyone to hurt me, but not my baby.
Suddenly, I can stand any pain that comes to me, as long as not to my baby.
Suddenly, I am willing to stay with the pain, for the sake of my baby’s happiness.

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Suddenly, I lose my ego to zero.

Hopefully your life will be full of happiness, just like how I plan it to be, son.

Truly love you,
Mama.