The One

image

Ya Allah,
Only You The One I could tell the full story of my life,
Only You The One I could ask for help,
Because only You The One who sees and knows the truth of everything.
Only You who sees me true, outside and inside down deep into my heart.

Ya Allah,
I know You give me this because I can,
I know You just want me to get closer to You even more,
I know You just want me to comunicate to You better,
I know You love me, and everything that happened to me these days was the way You remind me how strong and brave I was, and still.

Ya Allah,
Thank You. I cannot see everything clear the way You do, but I know it won’t happened without your permission. I know Your plan is always better than mine.

Ya Allah,
Let me always be close to You. Help remind me again if I ever forget..

image

Little Mister Life Changer

image

Hi, little mister son! As usual, you are sleeping and so mama can write this blog right now.
My five months old little life changer..

Couldn’t be happier, Alhamdulillah.. Thank you Allah, for this greatest gift ever.

He changes my life. Doesn’t mean my life way easier now. No, it’s harder, heavier than ever, but he makes me stronger. He is my power.

This passed few months, bad things happened. Problems, heartbreaking moments, sickness, etc. But here I am, stand still and strong, Insha Allah. Because of my son, my happy pill.

Lately I wondered, if I don’t have my son, maybe I already gave up on so many things.
Allah is the best planner. That is why You gave me my son, so I could be strong enough to face the future, isn’t it God?

I will always be strong as long as I have you, my little mister life changer.. Insha Allah..

Dear Mom & Dad,

image

Dear mom & dad,

Do you know?
No matter how happy I am now, I’m happiest when I am your little girl.
Honestly, I hate being grown up.
If I could have a magic wish, I wish I could never grow up, and so you sould never grow old, then we could be together forever.
I just don’t wanna lose you, mom dad.
I cannot imagine how my life would be without you both.
Well, it would be empty, I know.

Mom, dad, I’m scared.
Your daughter might seems like a grown up woman now. But still, I’m your little girl..

image

I love you, dear family.
If someday someone should leave first, let me be the very first.

❤,
Your daughter

Greatful

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”
— William Arthur Ward

It is Saturday night here in my place, and it’s supposed to be me and my husband date night tonight. But it’s not.

Turns out here I am now, lying in my bed writing this.
We canceled the date. The date that we already planned days ago. Because of me. I’m sick.

Last night, all of sudden I got sick. And so I ruined our well planned date.
We went to his aunt wedding earlier today. I said I can go and I’ll be fine with it. Even I told him I still can go for the date. Turns out, we went somewhere after the wedding, yes we were. Not to any restaurant or cinema, but hospital.

Today was quite A DAY to me. I can’t describe how’s my feeling about it. I’m sick, the illness is killing me, I feel bad, I wanna cry, but I also feel greatful at the same time.
Greatful to see how my husband there for me. How he smiles over whatever the situation, always tries to make me laugh, fulfills all my request even to the stupidest one, comforts me with everything I like, and the greatest thing is he stays close to me so I feel safe. How can I not love him?

image

Dear sleeping husband, I cannot say anything but thank you and I love you, I really do. ❤

Once Upon a Time

image

Long time ago, someone ever said something like that to me… when I was so affraid to start something that I’ve ever failed before.

I miss it.

I miss when someone convincing me that I can do something I’m affraid of, with a very positive mind and cheerful voice. No matter how hard it is to convince me.

Maybe today, I always try to be positive in front all of people. Try to handle everything by my own, so people have no idea about whatever that is hard for me to do or feel.
I’m proud of my self sometimes. Maybe that’s how being an adult suppose to be. I’m just kinda missing everyone. Or at least just someone.

I am happy. I just feel a little bit incomplete.
Something is missing..

Dear Young Me,

Tonight, I was scrolling down my Instagram home page and found a picture posted by someone that reminds me of my old dream. And the dreams that I had when I was younger. A picture of a beautiful coffee shop at a city in one country.

“I wish I were her.” To be honest, for a second or two, that thought crossed in my mind. Not for too long, because I know where I stand and I’m happy enough with my life today. But I can understand, it happened because it was my dream. Strolling around in a lot of beautiful cities out there by my self, travelling to many countries in the world. So, it’s normal.

What I have in mind now is only that I really want to apologize to my younger self. Make some peace with the old me, about not to fulfill “her” dream, and took another way of life far from the dreams “she” had before.

Call me crazy, but deep inside my heart, I really feel sorry for “her”. Maybe just like the feeling of a mom who cannot fulfill her daughter wants. I guess.

Dear young me,
You were so positive, full of energy, a huge dreamer, I like it.
I know I’ve changed you now, to become an older little woman whom play save and not that super energetic anymore. I’m sorry.
You know it’s not easy for me too, to let go the dreams we had for a long time. But you know that it is impossible to be happened anyway, right?
Just remember what mama ever said, “no overseas all alone.” So, I’m not the only one who ruin your dream! hoho Well, nobody ruin it. Trust me, it happened this way for good. Your older self now has pretty understand.

image

Dear young me,
You know what? I miss you sometimes. Well, lots of times.
One thing you really have to know, that even though you didn’t reach that dreams, you still become a happy woman when you are older. Because you finally feel loved. Something that we never thought could be happened before.
You still have a chance to get your dreams anyway, (in one condition) with a travel/life partner or two. And trust me, you’ll feel happier that way. :)

So dear young girl, please forgive me..