One More Long(est) Day To Wait

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It should be this afternoon we meet, but we couldn’t.

His/her papa should work, so we cannot see the doctor today. Planned to meet the doctor yesterday, but yesterday the doctor was sick. So, we have no choice. Tomorrow is the only day, and only if the doctor already work (Aamiin).

Today might be the last day I questioning whether my baby is there or not. It’s getting bigger (my tummy), even though still, it’s a small bump.
Oh dear, I’m scared! I’m nervous, I’m….

Can I skip a day?
I want to see my baby. My little love..

A Week To Know

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A day feels like a week, a week feels like a month to me now..

Waiting for the time to be able to see my (hopefully) baby to be in my tummy again. Three weeks already now, and still a week more to go. It feels like I’ve been waiting for a year.
I always hate waiting. But this time, I hate it much much more.
I want to see my baby..

I’ve been ill these days. Sneeze and cough a lot. Worry but also too scared to see the doctor earlier than the schedule. It still flat, my tummy. Yes, I’m scared, too scared. Too scared that it isn’t there, my baby.

I never been this scared before…

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Dear little love, see you in a week..

Dear Husband To Be; A Week To Wedding Day

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The day is getting closer..

Baby, I’m affraid.. of lotta things.
My head is full, as always. Yes, it’s still.
We made it for almost ten months so far, with no break up, just some little and big fights.
It changed me quite much, our fights. I don’t like it, I want it no more in the future. We could talk, not fight. We could whisper, not shout.
We’ve made the promise. I know we could fullfil it.

Baby, this is weird.. my feeling.
I’m too affraid to expect, so I wish nothing but well.
I’m happy it’s all going really well so far, our wedding preparation. But baby, we will never know.
I’m sorry, for always be ready for the worst.
But baby, when it happened to be more than well, I’ll be the happiest of all.

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Baby, don’t change.. I like it when you are so soft.
The way you talk, the way you touch, the way you see me, the way you make me feel, just like how I know you since eight years ago.
I know you’ll be a great husband of me.
I know you’ll be a great father of our children.
I know you will…

I Miss You Even More

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I’m getting married, to the man in the photo. In three weeks. I’ll be a wife. His wife. :)

I never knew that someone’s life could change in a blink of an eye, especially mine. Until Lord changed my feeling for him like in a minute, and so everything in my life also changing in a row. I never knew, in less than a year, my brother last year could be my husband to be today.
Now I know, I never knew anything before.

I never love him, even for a little, in our first seven years knowing each other (eight years ago). But he loves me since the first month we met, and never stop.
He loves me eight years already. No one ever waiting for me for seven years before. No one deserve my love more than my love for him right now.
If it was a race, he’s the winner. Maybe he’s not the fastest, but he’s the only one who finished the race.

A year ago, I thought next year (this year) my life would be pretty much the same. Driving alone, going to a coffee shop by myself, go to the cinema for one ticket, and still have no idea about who my next boyfriend is.
Boyfriend not husband, because I thought that I’ll marry a stranger, so “we” have to have few years to getting know each other well, at least.
And, last year, I still think about getting married when I’m 30. Who knows that the only person who could changed it all is the man who never could make me love him back for seven years?? Maybe if Albert Einstein still alive, he’ll knows.

He loves me. He tries everything to make me happy. He is a good fiancé now, and I know he will be a great husband of me then, and the greatest father of our future children.. Aamiin..

P.S:
Please read it to my babies one day, when their Mama not anymore with them in this world.
My blog is a legacy. As I write everything based on my true story, I hope they will understand how to love their complicated Mama (in their memories), and their loving Papa especially.
No matter what, we love you, kiddos!!!! ❤

Bride To Be; Two Months To Wedding Day

March 9th 2015, exact two months before my wedding day on May 9th 2015.

Some people said “The closer the wedding, the harder the situation you have to get through. Problems come and go, either from your wedding preparation or even between you and your husband/wife to be.”
Now I know…

My problem now, is the invisible thing that matter the most. The thing that I have to work hard on to control. My feeling.
It’s become pretty wild lately. It become so unpredictable. I can cry over and over on the same day, over the little things I feel unhappy with. Now I’m more sensitive than whenever before in my life. I’ve tried to stop it, but believe me it is not that easy.

I have ever been in the other side position of course, which is being the outsider of some people’s wedding preparation. Being the ears to listen.
From my point of view that time, these “little heart problem” was just a drama. It wasn’t supposed to be a thing that can ruin your welcoming wedding mood. But now? I totally understand.

I don’t mean to make you (haven’t married reader) scared of wedding. I write it here just to share what I feel as a two months bride to be. Different person different problem of course. Or even maybe some people doesn’t have any pre-wedding problem at all? Hopefully you will be one of them when you are about to get married someday! Aamiin

Well, it’s just a test to be passed. I know I will..
Happy Monday! :)

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Dear Fiance,

Bandung, Desember 6th 2014

I don’t know how to describe my feeling for you.
I love you, in the way that I never loved anyone before.
Is it really love?
I hope I’m right. All I know is, I have this really huge affection on you, abundantly.

Do you know? I don’t know how could this happened, but I just can’t control.
I’m mad more than like to anyone when I’m mad at you. I can feel it comes from the very deep down of my heart. Every feeling is just become overrated.
It hurts me when I see you down,
I feel undescribably blue when you sick,
I get jealous when you talk to any girl but me,
I feel so upset when I know you go with any girl around.
I’m sorry. I’m going crazy. You’re driving me insane.

Baby, it is new to me. You’ve ruined a whole system of my heart. I might be an error now. But I’d like to adapt.
Take my hand,
Bare with me,
Lead the way,
I’ll walk with you..

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Because I love you.

Rejections

I hate to feel rejected. Well, I guess everybody does. Not that much when I feel rejected by anyone that doesn’t really matter to me, but that will be hurting me so much when it happened by people I love. That’s why, I can’t be easy on love.

Why?
I will not that unreasonably giving any suggestion or attention, unless I really do care for that person. So, the feeling of getting a rejection is like “I don’t need you to care about me at all!” shouted right in front of my face super loud.

Maybe it’s just me. Or, I’m just being so sensitive sometimes. Or, stupid? Or, all of it? Or, it’s just my period taking over.

But still, I’m not a fan of “I’ll do it later” and “No, bla bla bla..” kinda thing.