Something always brings me back to you,
It never takes too long.
-Gravity, Sara Bareilles
Jakarta, from 32nd floor window of my hotel room. Cloudy afternoon, but still it is lovely for me to see the sea again. Even though just from afar.
Hi there, been a while..
A night in Jakarta. The chaos city I love. The used to be my dream city to live a life. Here I am again, with my family now. A husband and a son. No longer the single woman who chases her dream or career in this city. No more office suit, no more solo travel. I am a packaged now. Me and my little family. Or me and my son, the least.
I miss you.. The chaotic, the traffic, the rush hour, the differences, the lights, everything. The (well known as) stressful city where I can feel peace in it. I miss you like a little girl miss her favorite ice cream. I really do..
Sunday, May 15th, 2016.
He was born to the world..
My babyboy, my son, the love of my life, my baby D.
Welcome to the world, son. You can see the world from your own eyes now. How was it so far? I hope you find beauty in everything around you, love. Aamiin…
Baby, now you are free. There is no more narrow place as small as my tummy for you. You have so much places to go now. You have so much places to live. Don’t worry, I will still make sure that it’s all safe for you, just like how you were in my tummy before.
I am officially a mom now.
The hardest part to describe, how the feeling is.
All I know is, that now I have a new soulmate, a life partner to fight for. His life, his happiness, his everything are my first priority now. I will do anything, everything, to keep him safe and gets what he needs, Insha Allah.
I love you, son. From the deepest of my heart. And husband, thank you for being there for us 100% all the time. You saw your son born, that was one of the bravest thing I know a man can do. So much men can do, but only a few willing to. You are our hero. I love you.. ❤
Now I know, how it feels to be a soon mom to be.
Suddenly, it is okay for anyone to hurt me, but not my baby.
Suddenly, I can stand any pain that comes to me, as long as not to my baby.
Suddenly, I am willing to stay with the pain, for the sake of my baby’s happiness.
Suddenly, I lose my ego to zero.
Hopefully your life will be full of happiness, just like how I plan it to be, son.
Hi, son! You are 36 weeks old now here in my tummy, just like the doctor said tonight. You are soon to be born and meet me, right?
You know what? I miss you already!
Son, you are going to see the world pretty soon, I know. And I need you to remember one thing, that no matter how worse you feel it is outside than inside my tummy before, you will be safe as long as I’m there with you, Insha Allah. I want you to know son, that I will do anything, everything to make you happy and safe. I promise you.
But son, what if I die after I deliver you to the world, hang on! There will be so much angels around you to give you love and care. Trust me, baby. You can call them papa, aki, nenek, eyang, uwak, and so many more. I promise you, they will love you also. Because they already do ever since you’re still here in my tummy now and before. That is why I know and sure about that.
Baby, to be honest I’m scared. Having you is the most colorful feeling I have ever felt in my life. I am happy, but most of all, I’m scared that I cannot make you happy. But, I’m sure you will. You are loved, by Allah and me. And the other else I told you before.
See you in the real world pretty soon, son!
I’m sorry for everything that makes you unhappy while you are here in my tummy.
I love you so much, baby love! More than any distance in the galaxy! I love you!!
Do you know?
No matter how happy I am now, I’m happiest when I am your little girl.
Honestly, I hate being grown up.
If I could have a magic wish, I wish I could never grow up, and so you sould never grow old, then we could be together forever.
I just don’t wanna lose you, mom dad.
I cannot imagine how my life would be without you both.
Well, it would be empty, I know.
Mom, dad, I’m scared.
Your daughter might seems like a grown up woman now. But still, I’m your little girl..
I love you, dear family.
If someday someone should leave first, let me be the very first.
The sun shines brighter today. Knowing that I woke up with a baby in my belly this morning. Yes, I’m officially a mama to be now.
Yesterday, early in the morning I took a pregnancy test by myself, because it’s been two weeks late since my last period time. The two stripes showed up so fast. I’m pregnant! Alhamdulillah..
I woke my husband up on fajr prayer time that morning with a whisper, “Wake up papa to be.. It’s positive!”, I said. He barely jumped off the bed, opened his eyes so wide, awake. I still remember that face. That happy face. And so our parents the moment we let them know about my pregnancy. I know I will remember that for the rest of my life.
Few hours later, we met a doctor to check the baby.
Oct 22nd, 2015. It’s 5 weeks 4 days, the doctor said.
Hey there lil baby to be, your mama and papa can’t wait to see you in person. Grow up fast, healthy and strong, babylove! Everyone is waiting for you.. ❤