Hand in Hand

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Walk with me, Son! Hand in hand.
Your hands might be so little right now, but it has so much power for me when you hold my hand.

When your Papa hold my hand, he makes me feel safe. But when you hold my hand, Son, you make me feel strong!

Your Papa makes me a lady, while you make me a whole woman. There are so many empty spaces in me, but you both complete me.

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Rabbi habli minassholihin.. Aamiin

Stay strong my little one! Let’s stay walking hand in hand! Mama and Papa love you so much with all our hearts!

❤,
Mama

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Happy 2 Years Old, Son!

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May 15th, 2018.

My bundle of joy is officially a toddler now!
You are two years old now, son! How fast!!

You know what, son?
Having you, time flies faster than usual. Mama still remember anything the day you were born. It feels like yesterday. But look at you now! This big, this tall, this smart! Masha Allah.. Alhamdulillah

Dear Dirran,
Thank you for being you today, my son! Mama so very extremely proud of you!
You are the best gift from Allah. Stay happy, stay healthy, always be kind and loving just like how you already are now, son. Hopefully mama and papa still have so much time to see you grow up and shine britghter everyday! Aamiin

Mama and papa love you so much! ❤

Motherhood

02:06 a.m. Bedroom as usual.

I slept already for some minutes/hours before. Awakened by my son, as usual. Moved to his bed with a super sleepy body and soul, gave him milk time, tried to sleep with him but got interrupted here and there by his “act”, until the sleepy feeling is gone. Yes, so here I am now, writing it, as usual. As usual. As usual. As usual.

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The art of motherhood, right? :)

I already back in my bed. Try to find a way to sleep again. Not only because I want it, but because I need it more than I want it right now.

I am a mother now. I need to sleep, so I can be a mother again tomorrow. Not just a mother, but a good mother. Hopefully.

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I am a mother, so I think I already brave enough, right?
I love my son more than myself, so I hope I am special enough for him.
And, I really need to sleep now. Because I have to be strong to raise my son. No, I’m joking. Not funny, huh? So, that’s why I need to sleep now, I’m sure.

I am tired. But I don’t want to be a tired mama when my son is awake.

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I will sleep. And I will wake up happy, healthy and strong this morning when you wake up, son. See you this morning, love.

Silent Regret

01:29 a.m. in my bedroom, as usual.

I can’t sleep. Feeling sorry, by being a “preachy mama” to my son these days.
I don’t know if it’s because of my period, or it’s just me being mean. Oh son, I’m so sorry. 💔

Shed a tear by feeling sorry, now I can only kiss and apologize to my sleeping baby. And promise him not to do that anymore. I will try my best, son. I promise.

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Di, I love you, son. So much! With all my heart.
Mama will do anything to be a better person and the best mom for you, every single day. Bear with me, son. I will do my best. Insha Allah.

Love,
Mama.

Happy Birthday Babylove

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May 15th 2016, at 10:42 p.m. you were born.

A year already you are now, son. As I always say, time flies too fast!
I still remember everything about the day I delivered you to this world. The very first day I hold you in my arms.

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Dear son, happy birthday. Grow up healthy, happy, positive. Robbi habli minassholihin.. Aamiin
Mama love you most!

So many things happened this month, son. The day you turned one, mama faced surprises. The goods and bads, the happy and sad. It makes me realized that it was just a start, a year of my motherhood.
I am still that newbie mama since the day you were born until today. Well, maybe a little bit better now. Just a little bit.

Dear my forever baby son, thank you for giving me so much things to learn. Thank you for always wanting me to be close to you no matter how awful I am as a mother. I’m sorry for so many mistakes I did to you. I’m sorry, baby. I love you, so much!

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Dear Son,

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Hi love, I miss you so much already!!
You are sleeping next to me right now, I now. But I miss you, still. my happy pill! ❤

Son,
Do you know?
Mama couldn’t sleep early everynight these days. So, if mama not that fun or good enough lately, I’m so sorry.
I can’t stop thinking about things, son.
About the time that I have left to spend with you,
About the things that will happen to you if there’s no mama anymore in your life,
About your food, your needs, your health, everything! Oh my God, Allah..
I know I’m not supposed to be scared if I really have Iman Islam. Because it’s been written since I was born, the death time of mine.
But, Allah, Astagfirullah, I’m so sorry that I am that scared now, since I have my son. I was the one who hate drama person so much, but now I become one of them. I’m sorry.

Son, be good. Well, I know you will. In shaa Allah.
Mama love you SO MUCH!!!!! You know that, right? I hope you will love me too, forever.

Dear son,
May Allah blesses our time together with love, joy and happiness till the end of time.
Aamiin..