Now I Know

Now I know, how it feels to be a soon mom to be.
Suddenly, it is okay for anyone to hurt me, but not my baby.
Suddenly, I can stand any pain that comes to me, as long as not to my baby.
Suddenly, I am willing to stay with the pain, for the sake of my baby’s happiness.

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Suddenly, I lose my ego to zero.

Hopefully your life will be full of happiness, just like how I plan it to be, son.

Truly love you,
Mama.

Dear, My Baby Love

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Hi, son! You are 36 weeks old now here in my tummy, just like the doctor said tonight. You are soon to be born and meet me, right?
You know what? I miss you already!

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Son, you are going to see the world pretty soon, I know. And I need you to remember one thing, that no matter how worse you feel it is outside than inside my tummy before, you will be safe as long as I’m there with you, Insha Allah. I want you to know son, that I will do anything, everything to make you happy and safe. I promise you.

But son, what if I die after I deliver you to the world, hang on! There will be so much angels around you to give you love and care. Trust me, baby. You can call them papa, aki, nenek, eyang, uwak, and so many more. I promise you, they will love you also. Because they already do ever since you’re still here in my tummy now and before. That is why I know and sure about that.

Baby, to be honest I’m scared. Having you is the most colorful feeling I have ever felt in my life. I am happy, but most of all, I’m scared that I cannot make you happy. But, I’m sure you will. You are loved, by Allah and me. And the other else I told you before.

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See you in the real world pretty soon, son!
I’m sorry for everything that makes you unhappy while you are here in my tummy.
I love you so much, baby love! More than any distance in the galaxy! I love you!!

Xoxo,
Mama.

Bride To Be; A Day To Wedding Day

I can’t sleep (again)..

It’s 03.00 a.m. here. I just awaken by a bad dream after three hours of sleep. The dream was so bad, I even too scared to think about it again.
Oh Lord, it was just a dream, wasn’t it???

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Dear a day husband to be, I trust you.. I know you will make the best choice in every single thing you take, for our future children sake..
I trust you, love…

I’m sorry for always being scared of this marriage thing.. I’m sorry for always make you have to convince me with all of these things.. I’m so sorry…

Dear future children, you will read this post anytime in the future, I know.. Because mama ask your papa to leave it to you anytime I passed away after I have you, and if you are big enough to read and understand.

Baby, I love you since you have not born or even since you are haven’t here in my tummy. I love you since you are still here in my imagination. I love you since you are only a dream to me and your father. A dream that we really wish to be true.
I hope when you read it someday, you’ll read it with a smile because you love us too.. :’)

No secret to be kept here baby.. Soon or later, mama will write more for you..

I love you dear future husband and children of mine.. ❤

I Miss You Even More

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I’m getting married, to the man in the photo. In three weeks. I’ll be a wife. His wife. :)

I never knew that someone’s life could change in a blink of an eye, especially mine. Until Lord changed my feeling for him like in a minute, and so everything in my life also changing in a row. I never knew, in less than a year, my brother last year could be my husband to be today.
Now I know, I never knew anything before.

I never love him, even for a little, in our first seven years knowing each other (eight years ago). But he loves me since the first month we met, and never stop.
He loves me eight years already. No one ever waiting for me for seven years before. No one deserve my love more than my love for him right now.
If it was a race, he’s the winner. Maybe he’s not the fastest, but he’s the only one who finished the race.

A year ago, I thought next year (this year) my life would be pretty much the same. Driving alone, going to a coffee shop by myself, go to the cinema for one ticket, and still have no idea about who my next boyfriend is.
Boyfriend not husband, because I thought that I’ll marry a stranger, so “we” have to have few years to getting know each other well, at least.
And, last year, I still think about getting married when I’m 30. Who knows that the only person who could changed it all is the man who never could make me love him back for seven years?? Maybe if Albert Einstein still alive, he’ll knows.

He loves me. He tries everything to make me happy. He is a good fiancé now, and I know he will be a great husband of me then, and the greatest father of our future children.. Aamiin..

P.S:
Please read it to my babies one day, when their Mama not anymore with them in this world.
My blog is a legacy. As I write everything based on my true story, I hope they will understand how to love their complicated Mama (in their memories), and their loving Papa especially.
No matter what, we love you, kiddos!!!! ❤