Me Time

12:32 a.m. in my bedroom now. Dark and quite as usual. Having a snack only for myself, since my babyloves (husband and son) are sleeping already few hours ago.

I consider it as my Me Time. I didn’t take my dinner last night, but snacking like a Dino this time. I don’t care! I’m skinny anyway!

But, I care! Not about being fat! But about being sleepless and not being an energetic Mama for my son tomorrow!

I cannot sleep, and I’m overthinking about it, and it makes me cannot sleep more! I should stop. No, I should sleep!

Yes, my head is full. Too full, lately. Too much things to think about. Overthinking! I need to stop.

Oh, Allah! Forgive me..

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I have to sleep.

Dear head, be kind!

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You Don’t Know Me (At All)

(Almost) nobody knows it. I was a broken pieces living a life like everything was okay, for so many years. But turns out, it is okay, now.

My son is the one who made me whole again..

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But some people knew..
I let them knew it, for some reason I thought was right.
Well, it doesn’t matter anymore, right?

I had a pretty though life since I was a teenager. Not in the family circle, but out of that. It changed me, it shaped me, it broke me, a lot. But then, it made me who I am today.

I was saved by my husband, and glued by my son.

That’s why, I need not much friends in my life. Only a few that I let left, the friendship that built by years of trust. And some more that live far away but so close in my heart and prayer.

I am not a perfect whole, and will never again. But I am happy now, and will be happier everyday in the future (I’m pretty sure) in shaa Allah. Aamiin. Because that’s what matter the most. A happy mama for a happy family! Well, that’s what my husband said to me. “I have to make you happy, so the whole family will be happy too. A happy wife makes a happy family!”, he said. ❤

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I love you both, my superglues!

My Capricorn Baller

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Been accompanying him playing basketball since we were friends (10 years ago), until now we’re married and having a kid.

So, 10 years ago means since he was around 21 year old, because he is 31 now! My capricorn spouse was born on January 16th, 1987. Yes, we are two capricorns living under the same roof, sleeping in the same bed! And I love it! ❤

Happy 31st, love! May all your dreams and plans come true! Older, wiser, happier! Aamiin.
I can’t wait to see you with a head full of white hair someday! I know I’ll love that too!

Stay healthy, my best capricorn baller! I love you!!

Motherhood

02:06 a.m. Bedroom as usual.

I slept already for some minutes/hours before. Awakened by my son, as usual. Moved to his bed with a super sleepy body and soul, gave him milk time, tried to sleep with him but got interrupted here and there by his “act”, until the sleepy feeling is gone. Yes, so here I am now, writing it, as usual. As usual. As usual. As usual.

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The art of motherhood, right? :)

I already back in my bed. Try to find a way to sleep again. Not only because I want it, but because I need it more than I want it right now.

I am a mother now. I need to sleep, so I can be a mother again tomorrow. Not just a mother, but a good mother. Hopefully.

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I am a mother, so I think I already brave enough, right?
I love my son more than myself, so I hope I am special enough for him.
And, I really need to sleep now. Because I have to be strong to raise my son. No, I’m joking. Not funny, huh? So, that’s why I need to sleep now, I’m sure.

I am tired. But I don’t want to be a tired mama when my son is awake.

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I will sleep. And I will wake up happy, healthy and strong this morning when you wake up, son. See you this morning, love.

Silent Regret

01:29 a.m. in my bedroom, as usual.

I can’t sleep. Feeling sorry, by being a “preachy mama” to my son these days.
I don’t know if it’s because of my period, or it’s just me being mean. Oh son, I’m so sorry. 💔

Shed a tear by feeling sorry, now I can only kiss and apologize to my sleeping baby. And promise him not to do that anymore. I will try my best, son. I promise.

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Di, I love you, son. So much! With all my heart.
Mama will do anything to be a better person and the best mom for you, every single day. Bear with me, son. I will do my best. Insha Allah.

Love,
Mama.

Dear Hubby,

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Dear hubby Dimas Hendako Putra,
Yes, I write it for you. Even though I know you are not gonna know/read it at this short time or even forever, I still wanna write it down for you.

Hubby, thank you!
I know I’ve been thanking you so much times since we’re together, but still I wanna thank you more!
Thank you for all these time you gave me and our son. It means the world to us! I mean it.
Thank you for all the energy, effort and everything you did to make us happy.
Thank you for being an understanding, heartwarming kind of husband.
Thank you for all surprises! Hugs! Kisses!

I know you are so tired lately, but still you try to give your best anytime you are around me and Dirran.
I know I kind of “busy” and ignoring you since Dirran born, but still you say you love me and miss me every single day and night.

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Hubby, you fill me.
The blank page in my mind, the empty space in my heart, you fill it with your love.
Thank you. ❤

xoxo,
Wifey

Happy Birthday Babylove

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May 15th 2016, at 10:42 p.m. you were born.

A year already you are now, son. As I always say, time flies too fast!
I still remember everything about the day I delivered you to this world. The very first day I hold you in my arms.

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Dear son, happy birthday. Grow up healthy, happy, positive. Robbi habli minassholihin.. Aamiin
Mama love you most!

So many things happened this month, son. The day you turned one, mama faced surprises. The goods and bads, the happy and sad. It makes me realized that it was just a start, a year of my motherhood.
I am still that newbie mama since the day you were born until today. Well, maybe a little bit better now. Just a little bit.

Dear my forever baby son, thank you for giving me so much things to learn. Thank you for always wanting me to be close to you no matter how awful I am as a mother. I’m sorry for so many mistakes I did to you. I’m sorry, baby. I love you, so much!

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