Motherhood

02:06 a.m. Bedroom as usual.

I slept already for some minutes/hours before. Awakened by my son, as usual. Moved to his bed with a super sleepy body and soul, gave him milk time, tried to sleep with him but got interrupted here and there by his “act”, until the sleepy feeling is gone. Yes, so here I am now, writing it, as usual. As usual. As usual. As usual.

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The art of motherhood, right? :)

I already back in my bed. Try to find a way to sleep again. Not only because I want it, but because I need it more than I want it right now.

I am a mother now. I need to sleep, so I can be a mother again tomorrow. Not just a mother, but a good mother. Hopefully.

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I am a mother, so I think I already brave enough, right?
I love my son more than myself, so I hope I am special enough for him.
And, I really need to sleep now. Because I have to be strong to raise my son. No, I’m joking. Not funny, huh? So, that’s why I need to sleep now, I’m sure.

I am tired. But I don’t want to be a tired mama when my son is awake.

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I will sleep. And I will wake up happy, healthy and strong this morning when you wake up, son. See you this morning, love.

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Silent Regret

01:29 a.m. in my bedroom, as usual.

I can’t sleep. Feeling sorry, by being a “preachy mama” to my son these days.
I don’t know if it’s because of my period, or it’s just me being mean. Oh son, I’m so sorry. 💔

Shed a tear by feeling sorry, now I can only kiss and apologize to my sleeping baby. And promise him not to do that anymore. I will try my best, son. I promise.

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Di, I love you, son. So much! With all my heart.
Mama will do anything to be a better person and the best mom for you, every single day. Bear with me, son. I will do my best. Insha Allah.

Love,
Mama.

Dear Hubby,

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Dear hubby Dimas Hendako Putra,
Yes, I write it for you. Even though I know you are not gonna know/read it at this short time or even forever, I still wanna write it down for you.

Hubby, thank you!
I know I’ve been thanking you so much times since we’re together, but still I wanna thank you more!
Thank you for all these time you gave me and our son. It means the world to us! I mean it.
Thank you for all the energy, effort and everything you did to make us happy.
Thank you for being an understanding, heartwarming kind of husband.
Thank you for all surprises! Hugs! Kisses!

I know you are so tired lately, but still you try to give your best anytime you are around me and Dirran.
I know I kind of “busy” and ignoring you since Dirran born, but still you say you love me and miss me every single day and night.

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Hubby, you fill me.
The blank page in my mind, the empty space in my heart, you fill it with your love.
Thank you. ❤

xoxo,
Wifey

Happy Birthday Babylove

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May 15th 2016, at 10:42 p.m. you were born.

A year already you are now, son. As I always say, time flies too fast!
I still remember everything about the day I delivered you to this world. The very first day I hold you in my arms.

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Dear son, happy birthday. Grow up healthy, happy, positive. Robbi habli minassholihin.. Aamiin
Mama love you most!

So many things happened this month, son. The day you turned one, mama faced surprises. The goods and bads, the happy and sad. It makes me realized that it was just a start, a year of my motherhood.
I am still that newbie mama since the day you were born until today. Well, maybe a little bit better now. Just a little bit.

Dear my forever baby son, thank you for giving me so much things to learn. Thank you for always wanting me to be close to you no matter how awful I am as a mother. I’m sorry for so many mistakes I did to you. I’m sorry, baby. I love you, so much!

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The Most Painful Pain Ever

I have been sick these few months since I have my baby son. This and that, this after that. Painful, it is. But not as painful as giving birth. That was the most painful thing I’ve ever felt in my life. Well, I thought so. Before the new thing comes around..

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Few days ago, my baby son got sick. Started with a fever and flu the day after, until now. I can say it’s his first time, after 10 months of his life. He never get any serious ill, only sensitive skin problem which he gets from me and my husband. So, the flu now is that serious for me.

Watching my son sick is the new most painful pain ever to me now.
Yes it was hurt so bad the feeling of giving birth, but then I got my son as the payback after that. Worth hundred times more! But to watch my son sick? Worth nothing but a painful show. 💔

Syafakallah, son. Syafakallah.. Aamiin

Bali With My Babies

January 18th – 21st, 2017.

The first time I brought my baby son to see his mama’s second home. His mama’s heaven on earth. Together with my husband and family, Alhamdulillah..

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Thank you for the beautiful days as always dear Allah, my Bali, parents, sister, brother in law, husband and son. I’m the happiest person on earth! I love you, all! ❤