Me Time

12:32 a.m. in my bedroom now. Dark and quite as usual. Having a snack only for myself, since my babyloves (husband and son) are sleeping already few hours ago.

I consider it as my Me Time. I didn’t take my dinner last night, but snacking like a Dino this time. I don’t care! I’m skinny anyway!

But, I care! Not about being fat! But about being sleepless and not being an energetic Mama for my son tomorrow!

I cannot sleep, and I’m overthinking about it, and it makes me cannot sleep more! I should stop. No, I should sleep!

Yes, my head is full. Too full, lately. Too much things to think about. Overthinking! I need to stop.

Oh, Allah! Forgive me..

image

I have to sleep.

Dear head, be kind!

Advertisements

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you,
It never takes too long.
-Gravity, Sara Bareilles

image

Jakarta, from 32nd floor window of my hotel room. Cloudy afternoon, but still it is lovely for me to see the sea again. Even though just from afar.
Hi there, been a while..

image

A night in Jakarta. The chaos city I love. The used to be my dream city to live a life. Here I am again, with my family now. A husband and a son. No longer the single woman who chases her dream or career in this city. No more office suit, no more solo travel. I am a packaged now. Me and my little family. Or me and my son, the least.

I miss you.. The chaotic, the traffic, the rush hour, the differences, the lights, everything. The (well known as) stressful city where I can feel peace in it. I miss you like a little girl miss her favorite ice cream. I really do..

image

Dear My Dearest Two,

Dear Son,

image

Hi, love! You are sleeping in your crib now, when I’m writing this post. Someday when you read it, just imagine that I’m talking beside you, okay?

Son, eight days to go and you will be four months old. You know what? To me, it still feels like just yesterday you were born. Time flies too fast as usual.

Baby son, three months already and still I did so much mistakes to you, I’m sorry. This newbie mom will try her best to treat you right, I promise. Because son, your presence in this world is the best thing that ever happened in my life. You can never imagine what you did to me these short three months. So many life changing experiences (good ones). Thank you, my dear. You are such a miracle that comes to life. ❤

image

My Dirran, no matter what happens in the future, please remember that mama loves you so much. Forgive your mom for always worries all the time. It’s getting bigger and bigger everyday, I know. But you must know, it’s because I love you. You are my first priority now, and forever. My number one. I will do anything to protect you. I would die for you, if I have to. As long as you are safe, healthy, happy, I would do anything for you.

Love you forever,
Mama.

Continue reading

Dear, My Baby Love

image

Hi, son! You are 36 weeks old now here in my tummy, just like the doctor said tonight. You are soon to be born and meet me, right?
You know what? I miss you already!

image

Son, you are going to see the world pretty soon, I know. And I need you to remember one thing, that no matter how worse you feel it is outside than inside my tummy before, you will be safe as long as I’m there with you, Insha Allah. I want you to know son, that I will do anything, everything to make you happy and safe. I promise you.

But son, what if I die after I deliver you to the world, hang on! There will be so much angels around you to give you love and care. Trust me, baby. You can call them papa, aki, nenek, eyang, uwak, and so many more. I promise you, they will love you also. Because they already do ever since you’re still here in my tummy now and before. That is why I know and sure about that.

Baby, to be honest I’m scared. Having you is the most colorful feeling I have ever felt in my life. I am happy, but most of all, I’m scared that I cannot make you happy. But, I’m sure you will. You are loved, by Allah and me. And the other else I told you before.

image

See you in the real world pretty soon, son!
I’m sorry for everything that makes you unhappy while you are here in my tummy.
I love you so much, baby love! More than any distance in the galaxy! I love you!!

Xoxo,
Mama.

Once Upon a Time

image

Long time ago, someone ever said something like that to me… when I was so affraid to start something that I’ve ever failed before.

I miss it.

I miss when someone convincing me that I can do something I’m affraid of, with a very positive mind and cheerful voice. No matter how hard it is to convince me.

Maybe today, I always try to be positive in front all of people. Try to handle everything by my own, so people have no idea about whatever that is hard for me to do or feel.
I’m proud of my self sometimes. Maybe that’s how being an adult suppose to be. I’m just kinda missing everyone. Or at least just someone.

I am happy. I just feel a little bit incomplete.
Something is missing..

Dear Husband To Be; A Week To Wedding Day

image

The day is getting closer..

Baby, I’m affraid.. of lotta things.
My head is full, as always. Yes, it’s still.
We made it for almost ten months so far, with no break up, just some little and big fights.
It changed me quite much, our fights. I don’t like it, I want it no more in the future. We could talk, not fight. We could whisper, not shout.
We’ve made the promise. I know we could fullfil it.

Baby, this is weird.. my feeling.
I’m too affraid to expect, so I wish nothing but well.
I’m happy it’s all going really well so far, our wedding preparation. But baby, we will never know.
I’m sorry, for always be ready for the worst.
But baby, when it happened to be more than well, I’ll be the happiest of all.

image

Baby, don’t change.. I like it when you are so soft.
The way you talk, the way you touch, the way you see me, the way you make me feel, just like how I know you since eight years ago.
I know you’ll be a great husband of me.
I know you’ll be a great father of our children.
I know you will…

Empathy

image

All I know, and all I learned about empathy so far since I was a kid until I got the class in university, is that when we have empathy for someone/anyone, we do something that can lift them up, because we understand how it feels to be in their situation.
Not to put ourself in the same situation. Because who will pull them up if we “jump” into the same “hole”?

Someone have to stay outside the hole, not to leave the people in the hole, but to help them get out of that freaking dark hole.
Well, CMIIW but that’s what I know.

We have empathy not to be in the same dark place and cry together over the situation.
We have empathy to help as an outcome. To be happy together as the final result.

We understand how it feels to be down, we try to help them up and share the feelings until the bad turns into the good or even the best.

That’s what I know..