Dear Son,

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Hi love, I miss you so much already!!
You are sleeping next to me right now, I now. But I miss you, still. my happy pill! ❤

Son,
Do you know?
Mama couldn’t sleep early everynight these days. So, if mama not that fun or good enough lately, I’m so sorry.
I can’t stop thinking about things, son.
About the time that I have left to spend with you,
About the things that will happen to you if there’s no mama anymore in your life,
About your food, your needs, your health, everything! Oh my God, Allah..
I know I’m not supposed to be scared if I really have Iman Islam. Because it’s been written since I was born, the death time of mine.
But, Allah, Astagfirullah, I’m so sorry that I am that scared now, since I have my son. I was the one who hate drama person so much, but now I become one of them. I’m sorry.

Son, be good. Well, I know you will. In shaa Allah.
Mama love you SO MUCH!!!!! You know that, right? I hope you will love me too, forever.

Dear son,
May Allah blesses our time together with love, joy and happiness till the end of time.
Aamiin..

The One

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Ya Allah,
Only You The One I could tell the full story of my life,
Only You The One I could ask for help,
Because only You The One who sees and knows the truth of everything.
Only You who sees me true, outside and inside down deep into my heart.

Ya Allah,
I know You give me this because I can,
I know You just want me to get closer to You even more,
I know You just want me to comunicate to You better,
I know You love me, and everything that happened to me these days was the way You remind me how strong and brave I was, and still.

Ya Allah,
Thank You. I cannot see everything clear the way You do, but I know it won’t happened without your permission. I know Your plan is always better than mine.

Ya Allah,
Let me always be close to You. Help remind me again if I ever forget..

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Little Mister Life Changer

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Hi, little mister son! As usual, you are sleeping and so mama can write this blog right now.
My five months old little life changer..

Couldn’t be happier, Alhamdulillah.. Thank you Allah, for this greatest gift ever.

He changes my life. Doesn’t mean my life way easier now. No, it’s harder, heavier than ever, but he makes me stronger. He is my power.

This passed few months, bad things happened. Problems, heartbreaking moments, sickness, etc. But here I am, stand still and strong, Insha Allah. Because of my son, my happy pill.

Lately I wondered, if I don’t have my son, maybe I already gave up on so many things.
Allah is the best planner. That is why You gave me my son, so I could be strong enough to face the future, isn’t it God?

I will always be strong as long as I have you, my little mister life changer.. Insha Allah..

Dear Young Me,

Tonight, I was scrolling down my Instagram home page and found a picture posted by someone that reminds me of my old dream. And the dreams that I had when I was younger. A picture of a beautiful coffee shop at a city in one country.

“I wish I were her.” To be honest, for a second or two, that thought crossed in my mind. Not for too long, because I know where I stand and I’m happy enough with my life today. But I can understand, it happened because it was my dream. Strolling around in a lot of beautiful cities out there by my self, travelling to many countries in the world. So, it’s normal.

What I have in mind now is only that I really want to apologize to my younger self. Make some peace with the old me, about not to fulfill “her” dream, and took another way of life far from the dreams “she” had before.

Call me crazy, but deep inside my heart, I really feel sorry for “her”. Maybe just like the feeling of a mom who cannot fulfill her daughter wants. I guess.

Dear young me,
You were so positive, full of energy, a huge dreamer, I like it.
I know I’ve changed you now, to become an older little woman whom play save and not that super energetic anymore. I’m sorry.
You know it’s not easy for me too, to let go the dreams we had for a long time. But you know that it is impossible to be happened anyway, right?
Just remember what mama ever said, “no overseas all alone.” So, I’m not the only one who ruin your dream! hoho Well, nobody ruin it. Trust me, it happened this way for good. Your older self now has pretty understand.

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Dear young me,
You know what? I miss you sometimes. Well, lots of times.
One thing you really have to know, that even though you didn’t reach that dreams, you still become a happy woman when you are older. Because you finally feel loved. Something that we never thought could be happened before.
You still have a chance to get your dreams anyway, (in one condition) with a travel/life partner or two. And trust me, you’ll feel happier that way. :)

So dear young girl, please forgive me..

I Miss You Even More

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I’m getting married, to the man in the photo. In three weeks. I’ll be a wife. His wife. :)

I never knew that someone’s life could change in a blink of an eye, especially mine. Until Lord changed my feeling for him like in a minute, and so everything in my life also changing in a row. I never knew, in less than a year, my brother last year could be my husband to be today.
Now I know, I never knew anything before.

I never love him, even for a little, in our first seven years knowing each other (eight years ago). But he loves me since the first month we met, and never stop.
He loves me eight years already. No one ever waiting for me for seven years before. No one deserve my love more than my love for him right now.
If it was a race, he’s the winner. Maybe he’s not the fastest, but he’s the only one who finished the race.

A year ago, I thought next year (this year) my life would be pretty much the same. Driving alone, going to a coffee shop by myself, go to the cinema for one ticket, and still have no idea about who my next boyfriend is.
Boyfriend not husband, because I thought that I’ll marry a stranger, so “we” have to have few years to getting know each other well, at least.
And, last year, I still think about getting married when I’m 30. Who knows that the only person who could changed it all is the man who never could make me love him back for seven years?? Maybe if Albert Einstein still alive, he’ll knows.

He loves me. He tries everything to make me happy. He is a good fiancé now, and I know he will be a great husband of me then, and the greatest father of our future children.. Aamiin..

P.S:
Please read it to my babies one day, when their Mama not anymore with them in this world.
My blog is a legacy. As I write everything based on my true story, I hope they will understand how to love their complicated Mama (in their memories), and their loving Papa especially.
No matter what, we love you, kiddos!!!! ❤

Dear Husband To Be; What Will Be Will Be

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Eight months of relationship and still counting..

Dear love,
I know it’s getting harder and harder. The way, and the tests that we should pass.
I know you’re tired sometimes, or even most of the time. So do I, dear. But remember, we’re on a test.
Do you know, honey? Everyday I wake up with a hope, that today we’re stronger than yesterday..
I don’t wanna lose the fight with the devils.
Few times I became weak, but trust me I still don’t wanna lose.

But love,
I know we haven’t there yet. We will never know what will happen until we’re arrived.
You are my future husband now. But happen to be my husband only if God will it to. We still don’t know.
Only Heaven knows..

Dear husband to be,
As we leave it to Allah, may He shows us the way to a happiness, whatever it takes.. Aamiin…